Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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