thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
