this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
