remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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