Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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