Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
