The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
