I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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