so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
