God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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