How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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