are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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