There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
