I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
