I just saw a hot homeless man
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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