You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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