I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
