I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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