Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
