I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
