So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
