Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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