When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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