i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
