Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
