I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
