Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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