I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
