smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
