I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
