Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
