I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
