I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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