it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
