barbara walters just said penis...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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