He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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