Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
