9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
