She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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