It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
