those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize