xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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