If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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