i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize