Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
