My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
