Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
