btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
