We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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