i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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