My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
