I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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