Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
