i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
