No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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