How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
