I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
