sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
