My friends, they love my intelligence
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
