whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
