So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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