I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
