she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
