On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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