We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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