Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize