I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
