Your face is a jimmy john
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
