It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize