just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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