did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
