Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize