you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
