Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
