My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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