Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
