coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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