So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
