I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
