not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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